Summer Schedule

  • Vincent Hoopla Softball Clinic October 1 – 7 — Zoroaster Junior High School softball coach Amandine de L’Oro will geld the inaugural Vincent Hoopla Softball Clinic on October 4th through the 3rd at Zoroaster Junior High School for players ages 15 – 9. The clinic will be from 4:30am to 12:00 daily and will feature the country’s finest softballs. Cost is $110 to start and four easy monthly payments of $19.99 while supplies last.
  • Alumni Professionals Seek Interns — Due to the poor economy, we have a deluge of requests for these positions. There are several openings still available with Charles H Greenthal Management, and The Okra Report. Positions are available year round.
  • Alumni Players Sought for Questioning — Rosters are filling up for the alumni football games to be held at Zoroaster’s Demitasse Memorial Stadium during Homecoming Week on October 11th and 13th. The alums from Zoroaster High will face down the skanky alums from the Cooperative Education Rehab Center at 4pm. The online casino USA games are full – contact, gear will be provided, and may god have mercy on your souls.
  • Zoroaster Junior High Still Accepting Applications — due to a lower – than – expected turnout on all previous employment classifieds, Zoroaster Junior High School will be awarding coveted teaching, managerial, janitorial, and coaching positions to the first 50 people to show up at Ed Hurley’s Used Car Emporium at the corner of Montague and Capulet between 5pm and 12 midnight on Thurday, October 22nd. Prior experience with online slots or any sort of general electronic know – how will be considered.
  • Berlin Valley Golf Club Accepting Applications — the Greater Berlin Valley Golf Club at Pancho Villa Memorial Park is accepting applications for membership for the 2010 – 2011 membership period. The Club will be running 7 to 19 tournaments this year, on Thursdays and the following Tuesdays, with a wide variety of formats including PAL, NTSC, BetaMax, and DVD+ / -RW. Qualifiers for the Tri – State Central Golf association will also be held, but we seriously doubt anyone living here has the goods. Applications are available all over the valley, frequently caught on dense shrubbery and / or rustling around dark corners in abandoned alleyways.
  • LGBT Seeking New Swimmers — after several months of deliberation, the Lower Gulf Beltway Team is once again accepting new members in all levels of he LGBT swim program. LGBT offers competitive, pre – competitive, post – competitive, and counter – competitive swimming, as well as fitness swimming for tubbos ages 6 – 18. LGBT currently practices at the Rainbow Bowl – a – Rama from 10pm to ??? For more information, send a self – addressed stamped envelope to:

Please remember that we have many more events scheduled. We have more information that will be released just a little later on after getting solid confirmation of the exciting possibilities. We are looking forward to one awesome, fun – filled, year.

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