Fall-Winter Announcements

  • Reserved Seating Available for Unconvinced Fans — Reserved seating is now available at the Patriot High School Wildon B. Wallys Memorial Garden Auditorium for Patriot High School Football games that may or may not take place in 2010-2011. Reservations are tentatively available from the PHSF Athletic Supporters Club (the “Boosters”). Non-league games in 2010-2011 include one at Zoroaster High School’s Demitasse Memorial Stadium and one in the landfill behind Zoroaster Free Academy. Sections in the stands at these venues may be reserved, if anyone actually wants them.
  • Junior Pee-Wee Shotput Auditions — Hansenville Elelmentary is proud to host this seasons’s auditions for the Tri-State Junior Pee-Wee Shotput Team, proudly sponsored by Online Casino USA.  All kids ages 5-9 are proudly encouraged to try out; applications will be accepted only if submitted around a 16-pound iron ball and proudly lobbed through the second-story window of Kinsey’s Dry Goods on the corner of Twain Street and Twain Road in Hansenville.
  • Zoroaster Junior High Seeks Ad Placer — the Athletic Department at Zoroaster Junior High School is looking for a full-time athletic assistant with expertise in advertising and human resources. Must be athletic and ready to party, and must know at least twelve other people who are looking to make big money in their spare time playing online slots. Please contact Marty (the male Marty, that is) at the Twilight Lounge in the B Wing of the Hansenville Municipal Airport
  • “Go for the Bronze” Awards at Patriot High — Patriot High School in Hansenville will be the place to be Saturday Night, as the annual “Go for the Bronze” Awards are again held to celebrate how you play the game, rather than winning or losing. Highlights of the past years’ athletic seasons will be shown and awards will be given out pretty much at random. Unlike last year, alcohol will be served and the ushers will respect any fits of sobbing that may break out during the presentation.
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